Dragon Father jumped up and down on Bonny’s Revenge’s deck. “Okay, okay! I get it. We won’t do grown-up pirate curses. I’ll teach you age-appropriate curses!” 

Dragon Father’s spirit was unusually uplifted. I must say that I enjoyed it, looking from afar. And 3-year-old Dragon Little did, too, although she probably had no idea what he was talking about. 

“Okay. Ready? Instead of saying...  a-hem… I’ll say ‘You tooshy-faced scumbag!’”

Dragon Little immediately said, “You tootty taced scumscum!” 

“You tooshy-faced scumbag!”

“You tooshy-faced scum…” she struggled for a few seconds. 

“Scumbag.”

“Scumbag.”

“Good. Now another. If you see a really bad guy, you tell him - right to his face! - you tell him, ‘You peepee drenched fire hazard!’”

Dragon Little laughed. “Peepee!” 

“Say it, ‘You peepee drenched fire hazard!” 

Dragon Little laughed even harder. “Peepee!” 

Dragon Father laughed, too. “Peepee!” he egged her on. 

“Peepee!” she laughed. 

“Peepee!”

“Peeeeee-peeeeeeee!” she shouted.

Just then, a fire-tipped arrow whizzed past Dragon Father’s nose and continued, to land in the ocean. Even as he looked sideways, two swords appeared, one in each hand. “Aw, shhhhh…” he began, hesitated, and finished his thought, “shooting fairies!” 

Dragon Little ran to the weapons cabinet. “Aw, shooting fairies!” she shouted. “Aw, shooting fairies! Aw, shooting fairies!” 

Dragon Father looked down at her and mumbled, “That’s the one you get?” Then, loudly, “Come on, let’s go get those shooting fairies!”

—Told by The Red Dragon