‘The Squashbuckler Diaries’ are the daily tales of Joy Shelley’s Life in the Dream. The ‘Lost in Dreams’ books will tell the story of what happens to her at ages 6, 9, 12, 15, and so on. The diaries tell us what happens before, after, and between the books.

#180: If I Only Had a Heart...

Shortly after Dragon Father disappeared, Dragon Little went down to the Infinite Prison in the belly of Bonny’s Revenge. Some days she spent talking to the villains she had imprisoned. 

“How are you doing, Master Mind?” She asked. She had imprisoned him years ago, and he had hardly spoken since then. 

“I am doing better, young pirate, thank you.” His mechanical voice answered.

“Is there something I can bring you?” 

“Thank you, Joy Shelley, I need nothing. I am a self-sustaining machine. But your kindness warms my heart. It is filled 101.2% with gratitude. It is overflowing with gratitude and I do not know what to do with it.” 

“I just asked if you needed something.” 

“Joy Shelley, you have given me a heart. Sometimes my heart is cold. Sometimes my heart is warm. Sometimes it is drafty. But it always feels something.” 

I could not see Dragon Little’s reaction, since I cannot see into the Infinite Prison. But my sharp dragon ears heard her move her head or neck. 

“I don’t think my heart feels cold or warm.” 

“What does your heart feel like?” 

“I don’t know,” she answered simply. “I never feel it. Maybe I don’t have a heart.”

“I am 99.9% horrified that you even think such a thought,” Master Mind said. “A girl with no heart couldn’t have given me such a great heart.” 

“I don’t know. Why can’t I see it? Why don’t feel it?” 

“I do not know. Perhaps it is inside your body. But there is no way to check without killing you.” 

“Do you want to play something, Master Mind?”

“I am… not yet ready. The villain in me is still strong. I have not defeated him fully. Until I have I will not be able to repay you for your kindness, not even to play with you. I am too dangerous a villain You should leave me alone.” 

“Okay,” she said simply. Her voice was sadder now. Perhaps she was thinking about not having a heart. 

She ended the conversation and returned to the deck. She spent the next few dozen minutes staring into the ocean.

—Told by The Red Dragon

#181: Learning Sword-Fighting, Part 1

#179: No Time to Sneeze!