My little Dragon Little fired her laser pistol at Santa Claus. 

Santa Claus jumped in anticipation and fell awkwardly on his side. 

His white beard slid off slightly. He fell and could not get up very easily. Now it was easy to see that above one of his shoes and beneath the pants one of his legs was wooden. 

“Slimy, friggin’ pirates,” he muttered to himself. 

He did not even try to rise. He had fought Dragon Little and Dragon Father enough times to know that they were better than him. Now that it was hard to get up, he did not even try to get up. 

“Captain Badass! Of course!” Dragon Little said. She kept her distance.

Captain Badass began to cry. 

“Aw, take it like a villain!” 

Captain Badass exploded with rage, “I am NOT a villain! You’re the reason I’m a villain! I am not a villain!” 

He tore off the white beard and could not stop crying. 

Dragon Little did not seem to know what to do in front of a crying villain. Then, she relaxed. “You’re not fooling me!” 

Captain Badass hid his face and twisted around so she could not see it. 

Dragon Father landed on the deck, his jetpack behind him. “Sorry it took so long, Joy. It took a while to restrain those reindeer monsters. I see you did f--Captain Badass! Of course! Only a villain of your stature could—” 

“I am NOT a villain!” he raged again. “YOU’RE the villain, Shelley!” 

“Of course I am.” Dragon Father winked at Dragon Little and raised a hand. She high-fived him. “Told you there was no Santa Claus.” 

Dragon Little nodded. “I knew it!” 

But that was not the end of the story. Something else happened afterwards. Something that may come back to haunt and perhaps harm my Dragon Little years later. Something I regret I did not explain to her at the time. By the time it occurred to me that I should have explained it, I would no longer be in her father’s dream. I will tell you of that tomorrow. 

—Told by The Red Dragon